wow what a nerd: I feel like this is the number the librarian sings to express her unrequited love for the model train enthusiast in the off-broadway musical, Miss American Pi!
holy s**t Russian: In Soviet Russia expletives censor you.
important events in christina aguilera’s life: First solid poop, March 7, 1981. First “bad touch” from a show business type, July 21, 1990. Completed Super Mario World, September 19, 1993.
degrassi junior high girls: Kevin Smith’s been on Google again.
j-hook turd: The “ringer” is passé. The refined turd enthusiast knows the “J-hook” is where true turdistry lies.
legolas and lucius baby: I have no words for this at this time.
google smallpox: Not as virulent as the traditional strain, but will leave your browser pitted and scarred.
creative baby swaddle: Two words— Bungee. Cord.
pinnacle of nerdism: We’re still trying to figure this out. Check here for our progress as we search for the Ultimate Hurdle.
legolas and lucius baby: I still have no words.
bruce campbell real man: I wonder if Kathie knows Real Doll are making these now.
this nerd got wow: I’d say this nerd has got wow.
baby freddy Krueger/gay baby jesus/weird baby jesus: What do these search strings have in common? I can get my head around them easier than he concept of “legolas and lucius baby”.
students discussing over grass: Over grass is like an overcoat for your lawn. It’s a hot debate topic on many campuses.
dobby porn: Good fucking lord.
voldemort the flaw in the palm: Where he went wrong was making all his horcruxes out of coconuts.
nerds twins start trek harry potter: It’s like a grocery list for a crossover slash featuring Fred and George Weasley and Wesley Crusher. Or maybe it’s just that some nerdy twins somewhere have started a Trek/Potter LARPing group.
baltar jesus: Baltar is my Homeboy
spike baltar: I don’t have much more to say about this than I do about “legolas and lucius baby”, but I thought I would share it in case you’ve never considered Googling for that particular crossover slash before. Which I’m pretty sure you haven’t. Now that it’s in your head, you probably can’t stop yourself. That’s okay. You can thank me later. Or not. It’s up to you.
fredy cougar: I’m pretty sure her nickname is “Freddy.”
how to draw a penis: What you’ll need to do this is a pencil, a photograph of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford and some tracing paper…
barcode for 80s classic: Remember in the ’80s we thought that by the year 2000 everything, even citizens, would have barcodes. That was a classic miscalculation. It won’t happen until at east 2025 and it’ll be whatever replaces QR Codes.
ugly girl nerds: Remember in the ’80s when if a girl had glasses apparently that meant she was ugly? It was easy to make a Cinderella/ugly duckling movie back then because the girl just needed to take her glasses off to suddenly be pretty and get the hunk. That’s another thing hipsters have ruined.
legolas and lucius baby: Words. None.
how to make a turd cake: I’m pretty sure George Lucas has the recipe. It has a midichlorian base and Jar-Jar icing.