Baby Meat Jesus

This year Mandi and I had the honour of cooking Christmas dinner for her family.

We started with something called a “Duck-cat” which wasn’t a cat at all. But it was fresh. It would eventually be the “body” of Christ.

But first it needed a bath. And a full-fisted filking.

baby head made of meat

Fittingly, the head of the wee Jesus was made of lamb.

There was room in the Inn to lay the body to rest on a bed carrots. I meant to tell the inn-keeper the heat was really cranked up in there.

Despite the heat, we felt baby Jesus needed some swaddling clothes. Linus would have approved. Though he might not have chosen bacon.

Jesus had eye crusties after his nap.

cooked baby head

A little gentle prodding with a butter knife took care of that. His halo of sausages needed a little goldening-up.

Away in a manger… nothing but a head.

baby taken out of oven

Haloization… 25% … 50% … 75% … 85% …

baby jesus made of meat

HALOIZATION COMPLETE!

baby jesus made of meat

He looks so peaceful. No crying he makes. No crying did we make either. We were manger in a manger. So to speak.

19 Responses to Baby Meat Jesus

  1. Mom and Dad says:

    We are speechless. We have never seen anything like this. It’s quite amazing…….hmmm! Did Mandi’s family enjoy it?

  2. Larry & Debbie says:

    Well… It was the best Christmas ever! We felt truly blessed to have those astonishing creative juices flowing in our kitchen …. and it tasted wonderful too! Thank you Jakob & Mandi

  3. HALOIZATION COMPLETE!
    Inspired stuff, my only problem is that every time I look at him I get hungry again. Are you going to attempt a crucifixion for easter?

  4. Alan Cooke says:

    Dear god, the horror! Looks like some horror game foe. But it IS awesome, nonetheless.

  5. Ron Waddling says:

    As an artist I SHOULD have an open mind. The creation is recognized as talented work. The humour seems specialized. Glad you had fun and enjoyed a family ‘Christmas’.
    Hope you enjoy a healthy creative 2010.
    Best to everyone.
    ~R

  6. The Hoggs Moron says:

    If I find your “specialized” humor funny does that make me special?
    btw its really “hard” to do inverted commas in the air whilst typing.
    Thanks guys for a thouroghly festive chuckle.

  7. [...] how much you try to down-scale things, you tend to be pretty busy. Especially when you make a Baby Meat Jesus for Christmas [...]

  8. [...] meat: There’s a part of my soul that fears people are not looking for Meat Baby Jesus, but an online supplier of ground, human [...]

  9. [...] “meat jesus” paul: I suppose for Easter dinner we could branch out into the apostles. [...]

  10. [...] jesus of lyon meat: Clearly somebody is challenging us to up our game in the Jesus meat effigy department. A Baby Jesus made of lion and lamb meat would be an amazing concept. Or maybe a [...]

  11. nerdhurdles says:

    Reddit comments:

    perrym: i honestly think this could go in /r/creepy.

    psicopbester: This is art. You sir are amazing.

    austincook63: Needs more puns.

    Fwob: This is terrifying.

    QuatroCrazy: must. upvote. more.

    StuartRandle: Thanks. Always wanted to eat the kid from Eraserhead.

    jackhat: Ya, this is VERY gross.

  12. [...] stat: The most popular post this year was Baby Meat Jesus with 1,241 hits. Not quite a Christmas tradition or even remotely viral. Share this nerdery:Like [...]

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