The Empire Sucks Back: The Zine

The Empire Sucks Back

The epic blog post is now a zine! Jakob’s controversial views on exactly what makes The Empire Strikes Back a bad movie are expounded in this 16-page essay. Since there is no “try”, it’s up to you to decide if he does or does not make a strong argument.  Afraid? You will be… you will be…

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Spy Kids: All the Time in the World in 4D Aroma-Scope, stinks

I really didn’t expect to go to Spy Kids: All the Time in the World in 4D Aroma-Scope, but my co-host and light of my life,  Mandi, was insistent. Rarely have I seen her so excited for an upcoming movie that wasn’t about teenage wizards (or vampires). Actually, I’ve never seen her so excited for any film.

It wasn’t too surprising, I figured, since the first Spy Kids movie was truly excellent and the second two instalments were pretty great as well. Not only were they family films made by a proper director—not just cheap product rolled off a studio assembly line—but they also showed there was more to Robert Rodriguez than ultra-violent, post-modern grindhouse flicks. They had heart, a unique style, great writing and they had great casts. Some of his best work by far.

I would have been more confused by Mandi’s excitement if I’d known Mandi had never actually seen a Spy Kids movie. I didn’t know until we were pulling into the cinema parking lot that she was going purely for the Aroma-Scope experience. As far as seat-filling gimmicks go, this one apparently works (except our theatre was only about 20% full).

Hot Tub Turd Machine

Although it makes more sense in 2010 to make an homage to 1980s teenage sex/romantic comedies than it did in 1998 with The Wedding Singer—enough time has passed now to really play-up on the decade’s cringing sense of nostalgia—Hot Tub Time Machine only succeeds in that a lot of the original films weren’t really as good as we remember.

They are all, however, better than Hot Tub Time Machine.

The film tries to do too much with as little effort as possible. The results are predictable—a total and unremitted mess. Here is a list of the top-ten flaws in Hot Tub Time Machine: