Formsprung isn’t, as one might assume, a mattress company. Instead it’s a website which allows people to ask other people who sign up for an account anonymous questions which they agree to answer. Only on the internet, hey?, you will note, also bears the mysterious dot-me country code. Turns out .me denotes Montenegro. It’s kind of interesting reading.

Anyway, Nerd Hurdles uses as a promotional tool. Or, more accurately, we attempt to use it as promotional tool. Our account mostly gets ignored. But we have been asked some interesting questions. A sample of which are reproduced for your pleasure below.

Do you think Nerd Hurdling should be an event in the Olympic Games? by megamatt

Jakob: No. That would be absurd. Nerd Curling though, definitely. Also Nerd Pommel Horse. Any nerd who can support the weight of a gyrating, steroid-happy gymnast deserves a medal.

Do you believe there’s intelligent life on other planets?

Mandi : I don’t believe in intelligent life on this planet. Other than The Banana.

Jakob: Sure. Why not. The Universe is a pretty big place. What being infinite and all. But if they have monster trucks, I hope they never visit Earth.

Star Trek or Star Wars?

Jakob: Star Trek. I used to be Team Star Wars. But then I felt a great disturbance in The Force. As if suddenly a million souls cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. As if by a phantom menace, if you will.

Mandi: Star Trek. [Insert lame nerd explanation here]

To everyone except Banana: When did you first discover your nerdish destiny? How did you react to this discovery?

Banana: I appreciate how fucking wise you are to recognize I am not a nerd in any way.

Jakob: I’m not a nerd, I only play one on a podcast.

Mandi: Grade 7.

Jakob: Okay. Grade 1.

Mandi: I guess I always knew I was a nerd, but I didn’t embrace it until grade 7.

Jakob: I didn’t embrace it until Weezer came out.

Igor: 1574.

Multiple choice question! (Who would win in a fight/Who is the smartest? Who has the best teeth? [delete as appropriate]) Calvin or Hobbes? (Either the historical figures or the cartoon characters.)

Jakob: I would say Calvin would have worse teeth and kick Hobbes ass. Calvin was a reforming machine, Hobbes was a lazy liberal thinker. Actually, Hobbes probably ate a lot of sticky buns. He’d have worse teeth too. Odd, since he’s the smarter of the two.

Mandi: Win in a fight – Hobbes. Smartest – Hobbes. Best teeth – Hobbes.

What are your thoughts on the wheel of time series? Are they a nerd hurdle, or just an enormously over descriptive, but still wonderful, wall of text hurdle?

Jakob: I have no idea what the hell you’re talking about. Let me Google and get back to you. Okay,I’m back. Judging by the Wiki page(’s a terrible cover art hurdle.

Mandi and Jakob, do you think you’ll ever get married? Banana and Igor same question.

Jakob: That depends on the tax benefits and if we suddenly become religious. If Mandi got a sex change we’d have to get married. Same sex marriage FTW!

Mandi: I guess I’m looking for a reputable source for blackmarket male hormones. If that’s the only way I can get this ball rollin’.

Igor: I am already married. To my work.

Banana: It’s something I’ve always fucking dreamed of. But apparently when they said fruits could get married, they didn’t mean bananas.

How tall are all of you? by rensreus

Combined we are 16′ 7″

I often geek out and occasionally dork in but very rarely nerd on, and then only by accident. How would you advise safe and reliable onward nerding?

Mandi: Prophylactics

Jakob: I think if you want to be proactive in your nerding you must discard any preconcieved notions of what it means to onwardly nerd. They will only hold you back. I think a safe first step would be to read some fanfic while wearing condoms on each finger and thumb. Once you’re comfortable with that, you can move on to writing fanfic with the same precautions. Never read nor write fanfic without proper protection. It’s not a bad idea to wrap your head in tinfoil too.

If you had a Tardis, where would you go? by Elentir from the Netherlands

Mandi: Over to Jakob’s house. And France or Switzerland or both. Maybe to India for supper.

Jakob: I would go somewhere they keep a lot of gold bars. I’d fill up the Tardis with the gold bars and then go somewhere with a lot of diamonds and take the diamonds and leave the gold bars in their place. I’d then go somewhere with a lot of kittens and I take the kittens and leave the diamonds in their place. Then I’d go to an island with a lot of small, flightless birds and set the kittens free. Then I’d go to a department store and watch the news on the display TVs.

Hey banana, is a picture of a banana split considered porn or horror? – A concerned muphukka.

Banana: What? Are you trying to figure out how to market your collection of banana spilt photos when you try to sell them on ebay? You’re a fucking freak, but I’ll help you out anyway, in the interest of getting the truth out there. A banana split is like a fucking snuff film. Some of us bananas are horrified while other get off on it.

Do you like pie, if so what pie. This question is for everyone. The Dude

Jakob: Raspberry pie is my all time favourite pie. I could eat it non stop. Until I burst in a seedy red mess.

Mandi: 3.14. Yum.

Banana: Fuck you, you fucking douchebag. You think I’m some kind of cannibal? Banana cream pie is murder.

Igor: I enjoy the pied piper. He hath a way with rat-th. Which remindth me, I like rat pie ath well. Ethpethially with a a crutht made of pigeon featherth.

What do you think is the best way to defeat terrorism?

Jakob: Nuke the site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure. And by “site”, I mean America. If we get rid of America and certain parts of Western Europe (such as France and the Netherlands), there’ll be no more terrorism. Like amputating a limb to prevent the spread of cancer.

Have you actually ever hurdled a nerd?

Jakob: I’m pretty sure in middle school I’d hurdled, or at least jumped over, some nerds. Mandi, of course, apparently just tackled and humped them.

To both of you- If you were a Starfleet officer, what would your field of interest/expertise be? by kyprieth

Jakob: It is highly unlikely I’d be allowed in Starfleet. I don’t like to explore and I suck at science. I might be allowed on a starship as an entertainer or something. Until the damn holodecks put and end to that. Goddamn computers.

Mandi: I wanna be Guinan.

Jakob: Who also isn’t a Starfleet officer.

Mandi: For the hats.

Igor, why do you TYPE with a lisp? Don’t you think that’s a little affected?

Igor: What ith a lithp? I do not think I underthtand exthactly what you are thaying. Pleathe exthplain what you mean. And what ith that thquiggly letter you are uthing in the word “lithp”? Never theen that before.

You seem so angry Banana, would you like to talk about it?

Banana: I seem angry to you? You think I should talk about it? You know, you might be on to something here. Maybe talking would help, maybe I could become a whole new Banana, or maybe you could mind your own fucking business you god damned fucking hippy.

Mandi, what are your favorite pieces of IKEA furniture? I could browse their catalogue forever. Mmmmm. Furniture. by kyprieth

Mandi: I really like their big squishy sectionals such as the EKTORP. But who knows when i’ll ever live in a house with a room big enough for one.

I have a really big EXPEDIT shelving unit which I am quite fond of. It is very good at holding my junk.

I like the AS-IS section. I have had some darn good AS-IS finds.

I’m really not as IKEA obsessed as I seem. I didn’t exactly choose the name IKEA_Girl. I blame fate.

Being Canadian, do you ever get tired of people asking you if you know Geddy Lee?

Jakob: When I was a kid, Robert Munsch came to our house for dinner once. He told me a story about going to one of Geddy Lee’s parties. I thought that was pretty rad. It wasn’t until years later I realized it was way more rad Robert Munsch came to dinner at my house and told me a story about Geddy Lee.

Jakob, if you suddenly developed the powers of Spiderman, would you do good deeds and help people, or use it to sneak around, find stuff out and steal money and stuff?

Jakob: If I had a “spidey-sense” constantly warning me about danger, I’d probably become a shut-in. It’s scary enough outside already. So I don’t see how I’d get much done in the way of good deeds or evil masterminding. I’d make a hammock using my web-slingers though.

Igor- You are such a placid individual. How do you stay so well balanced in the face of so much negativity and hostility?

Igor: The thecret to remaining plathid in the fathe of hothtility ith to drink a quart of banana brandy every evening. That and thelling videoth of your mathter thleeping on eBay. It’th quite cathartic, it turnth out.

If you could be any other piece of fruit besides a banana, what would it be? (You can’t pick plantain either).

Banana: First of all, I would never pick plantain. Have you ever tasted one? They’re fucking gross, man! They’re a poor man’s Banana. Pathetic.

Anyway, to answer your moronic fucking question, if I could be any fruit, I would be Neil Patrick Harris. He’s fucking dreamy.

Banana, what’s the meaning of life?

Banana: Holy fuck! Are you seriously asking a piece of fruit what the meaning of life is? You humans are so fucking stupid, now I know how you got into this global warming mess.

Banana, do you ever get tired of being so awesome?

Banana: Are you the same dip shit that asked about ‘the meaning of life’? In what way do you fucking think that being awesome would be tiring? It’s fucking great. I don’t know how stupid you are to ask a dumb ass fucking question like that, and waste my time having to fucking answer it. You are the only thing about my awesome that is tiring. Fuck you.

Jakob – Whats your favourite console of choice? Are you team X-box or team PlayStation? by jasminlouise

Jakob: I don’t hold an allegiance to any console. The only game I like is GTA. So whatever that’s available on gets my vote. Mandi’s PS1 has a cool Tetris we play in the summer. Otherwise I don’t do that crack. ~ Jakob

Do you watch lost? And if so who’s your favourite character? Do you have any theories?

Jakob: Don’t watch it. Never have. No theories. I did, however google image search the names of several characters today just so I’d know who people have been talking about all these years. “Kate” is that Live Links girl. That’s all I know about Lost.

Nerds, in a fist fight—or galactic-type battle—which fictional sci-fi hero would you want on your side?

Jakob: Darth Vader. Hero? Villain? Who cares. I want someone who can force crush my opponent’s skulls at 40 paces. And if that fails, chop them in half while deflecting blaster bolts with their frackin’ hands. And if that fails play mind games with them. Yep. Vader.

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