Gingers, Masons and Emo Nazguls (June 2010)

ginger pride: We’re all about the Nerd Pride and the Gay Pride but we’ve been remiss in supporting the Ginger Pride. Here’s some questions for debate. Has Ron Weasley hurt or helped the cause? Is M.I.A. prophet or a satirist with her video?

80 year old gay and nick daddies tube: We’re also about the 80 year old gay and nick daddies pride, apparently. Whatever a “nick daddy” is. Sounds British.

how to draw fucking cool things: This is the updated 2010 edition of How To Draw Comics The Marvel Way. It has a chapter just on drawing a kitten driving a giant robotic unicorn trampling Edward and Bella.

emo nazgul:I hate everything.  Sauron is always making me ride all over Middle Earth looking for stupid fucking Hobbits. Hobbits? Seriously? Halflings? It’s not fair. If he’s so great why can’t he just teleport them into his tower? He just doesn’t want me to have any fun. The other Nazguls don’t get it. They just go along with whatever Sauron says like they’re compelled to. Fucking sheeple. I hate everything.”

hot tub time machine not accurate: Sometimes I think the main purpose of the Internet is for last ditch attempts to stave off disillusionment. I could just see two kids (born in the ’90s) settling an argument about when “Home Sweet Home” was released. Or perhaps wormholes. Either way, one kid will never trust Hollywood again.

twilight is crap: Another argument settled with the help of the Internet and another disillusioned teenager.

is stamp collecting considered a nerdy hobby: Did this Googler really expect a different answer than an emphatic “YES”? Again, the Internet cannot prevent disillusionment from sinking in. Once that image search of stamp collectors starts spooling up, it’s a downhill ride to self-loathing.

universal language between nerds: Normies might think we’re all the same, but nerds are as different as night and day (and second breakfast and elevensies). It’s like a Yank calling both a Welsh and an Irish “British” or someone from Malaysia “Chinese”. There may be commonality between some nerd tribes, but they’re highly territorial about their fandoms and usually have no idea what each other are talking about. Harry Potter doesn’t have much use for a warp core and Spock would find sparkling vampires illogical.

blue masons: I knew the Blue Man Group were secretly controlling the world!

fuck free masons: I imagine a lot of Masons come in fuck-free.

kevin smith a freemason?: If he were, Copout would have been a huge hit.

masonic fantasy: The new perfume for ladies belonging to the Order of the Amaranth.

desperate internet dating:Lavalife isn’t working out for me. I need a site that’s more selective. Like BeautifulPeople.com but that only caters to desperate people.”

9/11 funny:Ah man, today has been so heavy. You know what would lighten the mood? Some limericks about 9/11.”

creative lab coats comic books: WTF? Way to multi-task your Googling.

cockroach fetish pornography: WTF now with more W.

universal words list answers: WTF now with more T.

capitalist jew / nerdy jew with glasses and a beard: WTF now with more F-off, Nazi douchebag.

star wars life boardgame: It actually exists! I bet it still sucks though.

a bejeweled sword: To go with their Bedazzled tunic.

names for hot nerds: Jakob, Mandi.

nerdy wedding rings: These are the nerdiest wedding rings I’ve ever seen. I hope it works out. It’d sure hurt to get punched by someone wearing them.

peekleak: I thought this must be some kind of voyeuristic incontinence fetish but it’s just an email app or device or something.

fuck symbols: Ya. Fuck’em. What’s an icon done for you lately?

goddess knitting nerd videos: A goddess knitting a nerd or a nerd knitting a goddess? Be more specific.

videogames over people:The more people I meet, the more I like my Sims.”

what nerds do when WoW is offline: Rock back and forth in a corner wimpering. Or rocking out with Rock Band.

baby meat: There’s a part of my soul that still fears people are not looking for Meat Baby Jesus, but an online supplier of ground, human infant.

jack off on a turd: We know that’s not the Dutch Rudder, but I wonder what this act is called. Frosting The Log?

what do mathematicians have on their desk: Magic Eight Ball.

nerdiest ugly people: Here’s a Google lesson. That image search gets you this. A bit nerdy but not too ugly. But reversing the word order, ugliest nerdy people, get’s you this goldmine.

hijinksensue: I thought this was a Japanese computer manufacturer for a moment. Hijinki-Sensue: Tomorrow’s Madcap Antics Today.

tax nerd comics: Taxman doesn’t get invited to the superhero parties.

we never forget propaganda: Those who forget propaganda are doomed to repeat their propaganda.

the weaknesses of the nerd: Tech, snacks, girls who work in comic shops, snacks, swag, tech, certificates of authenticity, trailers, snacks, computers, kryptonite.

reginald barclay sucks: the liquified organs of his victims when he devolves into his spider form.

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