Nurdle My Nurds (January 2011)

The clock struck 2011 and the Internets turned crazy. People found this website in January by searching for the following…

i make you a offer you v=can not refuse: The mafia is modernizing and putting their threats into computer script. Z=can refuse.

dr crusher milk: Is the cure for space cancer? No, that’s foetal Cylon blood. Bev’s mammary secretions probably just makes really great lattes.

cooking with jesus: I bet Jesus’ secret ingredient is Dr. Crusher milk.

wesley crusher cock: Maybe that’s where the “milk” comes from.

american apparel buttless: I was hoping they were rounding out their Village People collection with the buttless chap. But no, it’s some skanky-ass pantyhose.

mini cooper penis tattoo: Apparently some guy tattooed “mini” on his penis to win a Cooper.

cockroach jew: Apparently this refers to Sarah Palin. Remember kiddies, the “in” in Internet stands for “insane”.

nerd discrimination people: Sounds like something that would be on the side of a work van.  NormiCor, The Nerd Descrimination People. It’s actually a lot more affordable than you think!

vader as jesus: I’d rather see Vader as Harry Potter as Aslan as Jesus.  Theology 2001. The “in” in Internet still stands for “insane”.

legolas has sex with: EVERYONE!

greg blanchard inappropriate: Goddammit, he sure is.

nerds clothes and the names: Cardigan, glasses, bow tie, pocket protector, transitional polarized lenses, sweat bands, socks that don’t match, satin jogging shorts. No, wait, that’s the names of hipster clothes. Nerd clothes are: sweat pants, Iron Man t-shirt.

hurdled in a fur: Sounds uncomfortable. Might make the sport more interesting to watch though.

phylogenetic comic: In order to stick out from the pack, stand-up comics have to find their unique niche. So far,  the phylogenetic well is almost untapped. There’s gotta be a million jokes about how “Ankylosaur phylogeny is a contentious topic” I’m dying to hear.

“have to wear panty hose”: It’s a contentious issue.

egyptian pharaohs: As opposed to Chinese Pharaohs or Russian Pharaohs? I’m easily amused how people always specify Egyptian Pharaohs. Anyway, it’s a bad time to be a Pharoah in Egypt.

people attacking other people: Is going on a lot in Egypt these days. Hey, naive hippie douchebags protesting your privileged, democratic life at the G20, it’s called a reality check.

buttery baby jesus: Sautéed in Crusher Butter.

how to draw voldemort: Step 1: Draw the English Patient when he’s all burned in the hospital. Step 2: Erase his nose.

how to draw hand cock: Step 1: Find your previously prepared drawing of Voldemort. Step 2: Erase one of the eyes and the mouth. Voila! A picture of a penis with “hand cock” friction burn.

e type looks like keanu reeves: I don’t really see it. E type. Keanu.

jacob turd: I hope there’s a drag queen somewhere carrying around some of my poo in a vial. That’s when you’ve made it.

nurdle my nurds: That’s a dirty, dirty, dirty sounding thing, that is. Eww.

buffy i thought u were a vampire slayer whys edward still here?: The two levels away from reality this Googler is makes my head spin. Though it would be great it fictional characters could kill fictional characters across franchises. Like if The Equalizer could take care of The Nanny.

bowel movement grolsch beer: Grolsch’s trade-secret technique for processing hops and barley is rumoured to be similar to kopi luwak coffee.

“hermione’s tight”: Guh. Eww.

bruce campbell weight loss: You can find his “Chin Bo” training system on eBay pretty cheap these days.

alf the et dark: I don’t know what this means. But this might be the basis for a future Ultimate Hurdle Cage Match.

universal language riddle: “What’s awesome and has two thumbs?” Works in Klingon too. Actually, what I want to know is, how does the universal translator work on planets the Federation is “observing” prior to making first contact?

#1 nerd: According to this article, Dr. Seuss coined the word.

nick is a turd: Poor Nick. Now the whole Internet knows.

turd hurdler: The great thing about hurdling turd is you don’t have to be very athletic. You can really be a “turd stepper” and still clear most turds.

porn time travel 1980: Time travel porn specifically about the year 1980? Now, that’s a fetish.

best podcast list nerd hurdles: It’s nice to know someone thinks we might be on a best podcast list. Even if we’re totally not.

trapped in a catsuit: Halle Berry’s career.

cool bald nerd: If you needed to Google this, the following won’t make sense to you.

bald it nerd: WWPD? He’d bald it, nerd.

pratchett analysis dwarfs: Every Dwarvologist knows the Tolkien analysis, though seminal, is terribly outmoded.

nerd hurdle tron vs the matrix download: Weird that someone who clearly listens to the show had to search for this instead of subscribing or going to Simply Syndicated.

“unhappy single people”: Also known as internet forums.

fruvest, canada: Canada’s has 5 major exports. Hockey, Anne of Green Gables, Poutine, Beiber and the FruVest.

craziest geek costume: Jian Gnomeshi

don q with a border collie in sci fi movie: Somebody knows this picture exists. But they’ll never find it. Never.

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4 Responses to Nurdle My Nurds (January 2011)

  1. Simon says:

    This reminds me of when I used to do this for my blog. Always entertaining. Until you realise people who type these things are visiting your website. Then it feels mentally sticky and you want to leave the internet alone for a while.

    • nerdhurdles says:

      Oddly, it doesn’t bother me. Though I’m sure luring people in with the apparent promise of “Xtina AsA pix” and “turn porn” doesn’t translate into podcast downloads.

  2. Mandi says:

    I am totally getting a tattoo of WWPD. On my ass.

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