Search Terms September: Darth Porn and Stupid Giant Robots

darth porn: I guess George Lucas is running out of words with negative connotations to name new Sith characters after. Darth Tax Au’dit, Darth Plahd Sh’ert and  Darth Hemor-Rhoid all failed to inspire the requisite sense of menace.

darth redenbacher how to draw tie fighter: This is a perfectly legitimate search in itself. I started formulating a joke about instead giving instructions for drawing a bow tie and then MY BRAIN IMPLODED. It’s taken me 34 years to figure out they’re called TIE Fighters because they look like fucking bow ties. Fuck you George Lucas and your bullshit naming conventions.

huge thai fighter fuck:
I know it’s entirely unrelated, but now I can only picture Orville Redenbacher fucking a Thai boxing ladyboy.

sexy hurdles ass:  Vote for who’s (is, not has) the biggest ass in all our “sexy hurdles” episodes. Jakob, Mandi or Kathie.

good ending 96: With the advent of Blu-Ray, alternate endings have gotten out of control.

use ikea character ikea: Yeah, IKEA, use your character, IKEA. Why would you have an IKEA character like Ingemar if you’re not going to use him, IKEA. Geez, IKEA.

giant robot are stupid: YES. THEY. ARE.

what do mathematicians wear: A hot little number they picked up on sale at the outlet mall.

how to be a fighter: It’s like being a non-combatant, but with more combatanting.

shocktober definition: During the month leading up to the festival of Samhain, often forgotten is the ancient tradition of putting “two in the pink and one in the stink.”

draw a scannable barcode: Just like being able to draw a perfect circle freehand, if you can draw a barcode that actually scans, you are either insane or a wizard.

pencil draw penis: One of the spells they don’t formally teach you at Hogwarts is Phalliagraphia. Cast on a pencil (or a pen, quill, etc), the writing implement will draw a human penis on its own.

crucified penis/crucified erect penis/crucified nailed through penis: This search triggers the 12 year-old in me in 3… 2… 1…

What can we do about this Penismania?
How can we deal with the vibrator king?
Where do we start with a cock that is bigger
Than John was when Lorena cut off  his jism thing?

Fools! You have no erection
The dinks we are fondling
Are frighteningly high
We must crush him completely
So like John’s before him
This Penis must die
For the sake of the nation
This Penis must die
Must die, must die
This Penis must die

Um. I sincerely apologize for that.

unicorn with dildo horn: This was  basicallycovered last month but I like how they’ve made it rhyme this time around.

slave at a party: Nothing gets the party started like an indentured servant being beaten behind the kitchen door.

what are grits punishment: Grits are their own punishment.

weird terms for the internet:

  • The other woman
  • Where nobody knows your name
  • Procrastinareum
  • The Toobs
  • Standard operating procedure
  • Television
  • Quasi-effectual interactive hyper-community
  • The Netacular Webiverse
  • Barry

only in canada: Do we call the internet Barry.

charlie sheen fauxtivational: Anyone who actually found “#winning” motivational probably quickly discovered the concept was a false precept.

font futura war: On the front lines of design, fonts are the first casualties.

evil engagement ring: This is a pretty good concept for a horror-esque film. A cursed or possessed engagement ring is passed down through generations bringing catastrophe and heartache upon an unlucky family. Sort of like The Red Violin meets The Ring.

poster i want to be freemason: I doubt it exists but if it does I hope the picture to the right is on it.

sauron freemason: Yes, it’s true. The Masonic symbol the All-Seeing Eye that decorates the American dollar bill is, in fact, the Eye of Sauron. Actually, the entirety of Lord of the Rings is a Masonic code outlining their ultimate plot to take over the world. If you look for the symbols, they are quite obvious. The One Ring, quite plainly, represents the Library of Congress Reading Room. Open your eyes, sheeple.

contempt line: Any sentence ending in “sheeple”.

trip shroom tattoo: Pro tip. Don’t get a tattoo while on mushrooms.

what is not being cultural: Doing mushrooms and getting a tattoo of the word “sheeple”. That’s just being an idiot.

x-files love: Judging by the X-Files fics I’ve (been exposed to that can’t ever be un-)seen, I’d say “love” is a pretty generous term.

girl works in a comic store: in walks Captain Kirk, Batman, and

knife crime advertising poster: “THE BLEEDING EDGE OF CRIME! Anyone can do it, even Grandma! Ask your doctor if Knife Crime is right for you.”

knife: I wonder about these people. How many pages of results they had to skip through to find our site using as common a word as “knife”. It must have been dozens, if not dozens of hundreds of dozens. Also, they googled “knife”.

really creepy websites: Like, say, a website about knives. Or a photo pool.

person going crazy over peanuts: I ate probably a quarter of a can of party peanuts yesterday. That was pretty crazy. I think my heart is still racing from the salt.


really ugly nerd studying: “Nonono, so-called Google Image Search, I want a REALLY ugly nerd studying. Not just pictures of fucking Justin Beiber!”

nerd night decorations: Nerds typically decorate the night with the glow of computer monitors in a dark room. It’s an eerie effect.

the effects of nerds in workplace: Files are recovered, computers are rebooted, projects are saved, IT solutions are provided, company morale is boosted via jokes made at their expense about WoW and Star Trek.

nerdiest trekkies: Are the quite ones. The ones you least suspect.

star trek body panted porn: If the characters are wearing body pants, they’re doing porn wrong.

nerd wig: It’s a member of the insect order Dermaptera. Unlike its cousin, the earwig, the nerdwig lives inside large electronic devices such as desktop computers, BluRay players and gaming consoles and feeds on solder. Nerdwigs have characteristic cerci, a pair of forceps pincers on their abdomen, membranous wings folded underneath short forewings and wear tiny pairs of wire-rim glasses. Some varieties have evolved Darth Maul T-shirts.


1 meter turd: Horizontal or vertical? Be more specific in your searches.

google is turd: Yet it got you to our blog via a completely pointless search. Which is kind of crappy, actually.

nerds and turds: A failed attempt by the Willy Wonka Candy Company (a division of Nestlé) t0 break into the breakfast cereal market in the 1990s. Critics challenged that the cereal was not a “cereal” at all as it was comprised entirely of the company’s Nerds candy and “turds” which were miniature candy bars similar to an Oh Henry. Nestlé countered that the turd bars contained rice crisps which are, in fact, a cereal grain. The cereal was discontinued after a mere three months and intact boxes still fetch premium prices on eBay with confection collectors.

hurricane urine: Wow. How to make a natural disaster worse. Talk about golden showers. But as climate change intensifies over the coming decade, we can only look forward to Hurricane Diarrhea as well.

One Response to Search Terms September: Darth Porn and Stupid Giant Robots

  1. […] Search Terms September: Darth Porn and Stupid Giant Robots …Oct 3, 2011 … darth porn: I guess George Lucas is running out of words with negative connotations to name new Sith characters after. Darth Tax Au’dit, Darth … […]

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