Stephen Harper strangles kittens and sexy very rape (search terms, May 2011)

June 1, 2011

Springtime and a young Googler’s fancy turns to the gutter.

stamp fuck it: I wish they sold these at Office Depot along side the “Recieved” and “Draft” stamps. I suspect stamping “FUCK IT” in bold, red letters on documents that cross my desk would be very cathartic.

f for fuckballs: If I ever have a genderless baby, this is the alphabet poster I’m getting it. A is for Assholes multiplying like flies. B is for Bullshit piled up to the sky. C is for cock, everyone’s favourite tweet. D is for Dickheads crowding the street…

turd lips: Weird. Someone discovered Mandi’s secret pet name for me. Even I didn’t know that’s what it is.

انمي sexy very rape: The script there, not surprisingly, is “anime” in Arabic. We also got a search for  “انمي اغتصاب” which is simply “anime rape” without the superfluous adjectives.  This kind of implies there is, reassuringly, no phrase in Arabic for “sexy very rape” which no language should have a need for. Yet apparently English does. Incidentally, the Japanese word for “sexy very rape” turns out to be anime.

anime i adore u: U has so much sexy very rape.

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April Search Terms: Don’t make me release the flying monkeys

May 4, 2011

April showers bring May weirdos. We were showered with odd search terms this month.

don’t make me release the flying monkeys: And if you don’t settle down back there, I’ll pull this tornado over and whoop those ruby slippers right off your feet. Actually a tornado is the only explanation for this search ending up here.

christina aguilera importants events in his live: Gender reassignment surgery, August 2011 — A live pay-per-view broadcast.

significant dates of christina aguilera: Bob Saget, dinner and a movie, no make-outs. Conan O’Brien, niece’s wedding, quickie behind the chapel. Vin Diesel, Swan Lake at The Met, sensual back-rubs. Lady Gaga… Yeah, in your dreams, grandma.

keanu reeves personal life 2011: For some reason I keep thinking Keanu is dead. Maybe that’s just his career.

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