Nurdle My Grits (search terms July 2011)

August 1, 2011

Things got really hot in July. Both IRL and on the Internet. Once again “sexy rape” is the search term that leads the most people to our blog. Makes me nostalgic for the innocent days of “zombie” domination.

nurdle my grits: I can’t imagine having your grits nurdled could be pleasant in any way, shape or form.

enter this pants love jesus: Even with all the resources of Wolfram & Hart at his disposal, Wesley Wyndam-Pryce couldn’t decipher this cryptic gibberish.

gross star trek nerd: You know what would be gross? A body-paint Deanna Troi onesie. Thank god that doesn’t exist.

star trek porn nerd body paint: What? Why?

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Cage Match 6: Sci-Fi vs. Fantasy

June 10, 2011

Science Fiction. Fantasy. In any bookstore or public library you’ll find them lumped together as Sci-Fi/Fant. Often this is fair since there’s a lot of an “You got peanut butter on my chocolate”  approach taken with both genres.

Or as Miriam Allen deFord said, “Science fiction deals with improbable possibilities, fantasy with plausible impossibilities.

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Episode 83 – Battlestar GalacTALKa Series Finale / True Blood

October 5, 2010


Those who’ve listened to the episode already know that we didn’t GalacTALKa about the finale very much. Perhaps not as promised, but pretty much as expected. It wasn’t our fault though. For one thing True Blood is a lot more interesting to talk about. Those are some characters you can sink your teeth into.

Fear not, further talk on the BSG finale, Daybreak, will probably jump its way into future episodes. Perhaps if we ever do a Diana Gabaldon special. Because I will have even less to say about Outlander than Mandi did about the BSG finale. Or exactly the same amount: “It’s fine.” Except that would be a complete lie. I had to put it down at page 76 feeling that it is the antithesis of “fine.”

But in case we never get around to a real breakdown of Daybreak on the podcast, here’s a few thoughts we had.

1) Question: Why didn’t the fans like the finale? I’m not exactly sure I understand what upset people so much. It was, as Mandi said with a slight sigh of resignation, “Fine.”  I didn’t pay a lot of attention to their comments at the time it aired, trying to stay spoiler-free, but now I’m wishing I did.

Because for anyone who actually enjoyed the series for what it was, Daybreak had to be pretty much the perfect finale. Which means it was only “just fine” but still, what did people expect? Did anyone really think the show would suddenly stop being an overly melodramatic soap opera with massive continuity flaws and hackneyed, plot-driven writing?

Perhaps they objected to the completely pointless flashbacks to before the war that slowed the pace down to a near standstill. Those scenes could all have been removed to the betterment of the episode(s). They only served to be pretentious wankery and did little to shed any new light on the characters.

So Apollo and Starbuck almost made-out when Zack was still alive? Is that supposed to be a character revelation that suddenly puts their relationship in perspective? If so, it fails miserably. It doesn’t tell us anything we don’t already know about them.

Nor do Roslin’s ill-fated cougar episodes tell us anything more about her lonely, isolated personal life on Caprica. We got all that in the series, the way we should have—from her character development and in the subtext within Mary McDonnell’s portrayal.

Like any prequel, the flashbacks only served to weaken what was already there, not add a new layer of depth. Which is why they were probably so boring to watch. Perhaps, if you’d never experienced a single minute of BSG, they’d have been interesting interludes introducing you to those characters that added context for what was going on in the present. But if so, why the hell were you watching the series finale and not the debut miniseries?

2) It wasn’t nearly as religious as we’d been lead to believe. In fact, I’d go as far as to say it wasn’t religious at all. Instead it was purely mythological, a rehash of a thousand creation myths rolled into one. Based, again, on the outrage of fans at the time, I was expecting a heavy-handed Christian message tacked-on at the end or something.

But no, it was about as sci-fi as anything I’ve read or seen but with a lot less heavy-handed Christ imagery than something like Narnia, The Matrix or even Fifth Element.

Yes, religious beliefs do play a large role in the story for the characters. But religious beliefs play a major role for Bajorans, Vulcans, Klingons, Jedis, and Elves. There is clearly a “God” and “Angels” in BSG, but I expect it’s just some alien race like The Q.

But then, I’m an athiest and if I were confronted with a real life miracle, I’d probably think the same thing.

3) The opera house dream arc makes no sense at all. Well, it makes sense, but it doesn’t come anywhere close to working.

The strength of BSG is supposed to be the plot arc that sweeps over all four seasons. Which would be a great thing if it wasn’t painfully clear that they had no idea where they were headed from the start. The opera house/dream storyline highlights this best.

There is absolutely no point to Roslin’s or Gaius and Caprica Six’s connection to Hera. They don’t really save her. They don’t end up raising her, Athena and Helo are still alive. And beyond that, there ultimately isn’t even any point to Hera’s existence at all. She isn’t the one to point them to Earth, Kara does. Hera doesn’t convince Cavil and Adama to end the war, they more or less work that out on their own. If she doesn’t get eaten by a lion, Hera will probably just grow up to mate with a Neanderthal. Okay, great… So what? So is everyone else. After all the drama surrounding Hera, she ends up having no real significance? If there’s one thing the fans should have been upset about it’s that.

Of course, the writers and producers set themselves up to fail by, at one point or another,  alluding to almost every single character as being a possible Saviour figure. From Kara to Sam to Roslin to Gaius to Hera to Leoben to [insert character name here], they couldn’t all be the one who saves Humanity and Cylonity(?) from extinction.

Unfortunately, the writers didn’t tie the story up well enough so that they all played an equal part. Most of them were dead weight, dragging the plot down, by the time they finally reach Earth.

There’s no small amount of minutiae I could get into, but picking apart BSG’s minutiae is like shooting ducks in a barrel with Galactica’s cannons (which never really seemed to hit much, considering the continuous barrage of death they spewed). The above were the main points I noticed while watching the finale and, really, about all the consideration I wish to ever give the show again.

Perhaps in the future some nit-picking will emerge as we tangent off topic on another show, but for now we’re watching True Blood (which is like a really good Twilight fanfic).


Episode 80 – Pets, Peeves and Pikachu

September 3, 2010

Beans has no shame.

This is episode 80 in which we talk about pets. Or , to be a little more accurate, we talk insufferably about our own pets. We don’t actually talk about Pikachu much so don’t expect Pokemon talk.

I used to want a Bengal cat until I found out they’re more than a pretty face. They’re batshit crazy and will destroy your house if you don’t keep them entertained. This, of course, completely negates the whole point of owning a cat. The reason people own cats over something absurd like a Jack Russell terrier (or the even more neurotic Border Collie) is that they’re supposed to be less, not more, work than a two-year old human.

But also, why settle for a reasonably conventional pet when instead you could isntead go for the gusto and have something awesome like a Russian Fishing Cat. I imagine living with one is the Russian roulette of pet ownership. Only I think a better way to go out is with a bullet to the brain instead of having your face eaten off in the bathtub.

That’s a disturbing enough image, but it doesn’t compare to the freaky world of purebred dogs.

And even more disturbing…

Well, we finally got around to watching Disc 2 of Season 4.5. It sure starts off with a bang. I won’t spoiler it here, but whoa! The first two episodes are the best BSG in a long time. Actually, we don’t even spoiler (too) much in our discussion because we’re far too busy being bad at Cylon math. (There are, of course, spoliers as usual though).


Episode 74 – Bard Times

July 23, 2010

Kill Shakespeare creators Conor McCreery and Anthony Del Col at TCAF 2010

There’s no shortage of people who wished they could kill their highschool English teacher in the middle of a unit on King Lear. Or, one better, kill Shakespeare himself.

No other body of work has ever been so universally perceived as the driest form of torture imaginable. Most people would rather chew chalk dust then sit through MacBeth or even (perhaps especially?) The Merry Wives of  Windor.

The irony is the world of Shakespeare is still one of the juiciest, bloodiest and sexiest to ever exist on the stage or on the page. Too bad all the gravy is sopped up by the stale bread of outmoded diction.

People are always trying to rehydrate the Bard though. From Tom Stoppard to manga publishers to Ethan Hawk, Shakespeare adaptations and updations are as perennial as that which we call a rose. Some are successful, some are mere sound and fury, signifying nothing.

The latest fair youths to update The King of Shadows are writers Anthony Del Col and Conor McCreery and artist Andy Belanger. Co-creators of new IDW comic series Kill Shakespeare (which hit the stage a few months ago), the trio have earned great applause for their toil and trouble.

Recently, Jakob and Del Col met up at Toronto’s Deer Park Public Library where they discussed Old Willie, Tarantino, the comic itself, and Boba Fett—in hushed, conspiratorial tones.

Jakob and Mandi couldn’t take the Shakespearian plot devices and summer-stock acting anymore so this week they left GalacTALKa to Igor and The Banana.

They discuss the first two episodes of BSG Season 4.5 and are paid a visit by Igor’s newest creation, The Manicorn. Whom everyone agrees is dorn handsome.


Episode 67 – Scienced!

May 28, 2010

Somehow, nothing says “nerd” like “science” does. No matter how chic geek may get, a lab coat is never going to be a good look.

What I want to know is why in movies—usually pretty old ones—do mathematicians wear lab coats. Are they afraid they’re going to get numbers on their tweed? Or chalk dust? Okay, chalk dust is a valid concern. I don’t imagine many mathematicians want people to think they stuck their elbow in the huge pile of coke sitting in the middle of their desk. Unless they’re scenester mathematicians. Who’d probably wear lab coats. And listen to ArcAttack.

What is it that makes science so particularly nerdy though? Probably that it’s hard work and people are lazy.

If people can’t understand something from a 30-second soundbite, anyone who does understand it is going to be a nerd in their eyes. On one level, all being a nerd means is to put an effort into something. Whether it’s Star Wars trivia, thermodynamics, baseball stats or Arthurian studies, if you know more about it than can fit on the back of a cereal box, it’s nerdy.

People don’t like other people to be better than them. And arguably someone who can splice some genes together is better than you. So you’d better call them a nerd.

If you can splice genes together, and you’re looking for someone to splice genes with, you might want to try these pick-up lines at whatever nerd-ass gene-splicing bar you hang out at:

50 nerdy pick up lines

Science Pick Up Lines on Facebook.

Apparently Mandi and Drew Barrymore have something in common…

GalacTALKa returns from another hiatus with spoiler-heavy discussion of the first 4 proper episodes of season 4. BSG is getting better again.


Episode 63 – BSG: Psychodyke and the Razors

April 30, 2010
helena cain, six, starbuck, razor

This week we’re joined by Ro Karen of the Starbase 66 podcast to discuss the BSG movie, Razor, and the psychodyke admiral known as Helena Cain.

Other guests include the esteemed Kathryn Janeway and everyone’s favourite unemployed supernanny, Mary Shelley’s Merkin, who join Igor and The Banana on a double-date.


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