Episode 68 – Free Masons From Conspiracy

June 4, 2010

Lots of people think the Freemasons are up to something. Probably because they make creepy websites like this one. But anyone who’s ever actually met a Freemason would realize they’re just a bunch of nerds who want a clubhouse. Check out the guy in this video. I don’t really get the impression he’s part of a world-wide plot. Unless hideous sweaters are a world-wide plot. Which, come to think of it, they kind of are. Open your eyes people!

People also don’t trust the Freemasons because they keep secrets. People generally don’t like people who keep secrets. Unless they’re keeping your secrets. In that case, they have character.

And by “character” I mean being a total square and not being around anyone even vaguely cooly-wooly for an evening (that’s what’s up with the compasses in Masonic imagery). Which is why “having character” seems to be what Freemasonry really is all about. Taking a good man and making him better.

Now, if that doesn’t make you vomit in your mouth a little, you might consider joining your local order. And I want nothing to do with you.

As part of Doors Open Toronto, Mandi and I had a chance to take a look around the Prince of Wales Lodge in The Junction. The first thing we noticed was blue. Blue everywhere. A very ugly shade of royal blue. Everywhere. And a lot of occult symbols. Blue. And weird bric-a-brac. And more blue.

The structure of Freemasonry (clicken to embiggen)

Also there were real live Freemasons answering questions. Sort of. If by “answering” you mean “hedging” and “being vague as fuck.” It made them seem a wee bit unecessarily creepy. That was clearly part of the fun for them. Because at heart they’re all big nerds.

Really, what do all nerds (sci-fi, sports, music, gaming, history, etc) have in common? A vast amount of esoteric knowledge to digest and to feel superior about being in possession of. It seems like the entire structure of Freemasonry is layers of trivia wrapped around an occult mythos. It’s nerd heaven.

Which is also why conspiracy nerds love them so much. Their secretiveness is a goldmine for people who want to believe the world is a little more interesting than the banal reality it isn’t steered by secret organizations. Something’s got to be controling everything, right? It can’t all just be random. Life can’t be that banal and meaningless, right?

Yes it can. Which is why dudes like this make videos:

And if that isn’t enough for you, check out the comments on this YouTube video about the Illuminati putting subliminal symbols and messages into movies. You’ll never find a more distilled supply of head-exploding, deluded ignorance.

Episode 024: Sculder and Mully (Special Edition)

July 11, 2009

They say the truth is out there. I want to believe that. But I trust no one. The truth is the catch-phrase laden X Files doesn’t weather so well. I watched the shit out of that show when it was on TV in the 90s. Everyone I knew did.

Yeah, he really was that sordid.

We wanted to believe the government was evil and something to rebel against like the hippies did the 60s. But we didn’t really have anything. Life was pretty good in the 90s and pretty bad for artists and anarchists. Even though the Bush cronies actually were beginning to work their Voldemort-like machinations back then, they were frankly it was too subtle for us kids to see. Hippies had Nixon and the punks in the 80s had Thatcher/Reagan’smore obvious douchieness to take on. Us grunge kids had… Friends and New Kids on the Block to combat? The first Gulf War was over before we could rally against it and, well, life was pretty comfortable otherwise. But Roswell cover-ups! We knew the bastards were hiding something.

And I think the popularity of  The X Filestied-in to another social need of the 90s. New Age hullabaloo was huge in the 90s. Supposed athiests were realizing at this late stage in the liberal dream that humans need to believe in something. At least a large percentage of the population does to be happy. For some people it’s Jesus and Yahweh giving meaning and order to complicated lives, for others it’s a vague interconnected “spiritualism” half-based on Eastern philosphy, half-based on soap scents and ecological imagery that controls our destinies. Still others who want to believe in something over-seeing their lives, controling it for better or worse, turn to the secular version of an all-powerful, wrathful diety: a conspiratorial government.

I think for a lot of conspiracy theorists and conspiracy fans the idea that no one is in control is unacceptable. Better an evil, Machiavellian government deviously controlling our lives than nothing or no one at all.

Personally, conspiracy theories are too nerdy for me.

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