Is Bella Swan autistic – Strange Search Terms (May 2012)

June 8, 2012

Not a single person searched for “May the 4th” during the month of May. It’s enough to make you lose faith in the humanity. At least the rest of these searches are batshit crazy enough to restore that faith. If “restore” and “faith” are the correct words to use in this context…

is bella swan autistic: This is an intriguing explanation of many things in Twilight. For instance, perhaps this is why Edward can’t read her thoughts. But I think it’s more likely that, given her delight in things that sparkle, she is actually a magpie.

kate beckinsale is insane in underworld awakening: This puts a much more interesting spin on the film. It’s all a hallucination she’s experiencing while in stasis. It’s like the “Indiana Jones died in the refrigerator at the beginning of Crystal Skull” interpretation.

oh you mean fuck gif: Yeah, Gif’s an asshole. Fuck that guy. In related news, I love Mr. Rogers even more now.

pizza on people’s faces: I’m guessing it’s like a “pearl necklace” but with bloody pus from an infected penis.

poutine fetish: I’m not sure it’s a fetish so much as a way of life.

stephen harper rapes kittens / harper kitten rape: Apparently this is a popular subject in hentai anime. Tentacles are passé. Kittens and sociopathic dictators world leaders are in.

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