Episode 205: Two Hundred and Five Shades of Grey

April 9, 2015

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Kathie (what came back from Chad and made us watch the Fifty Shades of Grey movie, apparently) joins Jakob and Mandi to talk about the Fifty Shades of Grey movie.

 


In Defense of Turtle Nostrils

April 2, 2014

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This thing (reported by Bad Ass Digest) where a fan fixed the creepy snouts from Michael Bay‘s new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film has been making the rounds. Not having seen the trailer, I was in agreement. Yeah, those nostrils sure create a horrible uncanny valley feeling and the fan sure improved these Turtles. But then I watched the trailer.

And, you know, I think Bay’s redesign—so long as you’re not looking at a still photo—actually works really well. If for no other reason than in the previous live-action films the faithful-to-the-source material facial designs never really worked. In the comic and cartoon those absurdly wide mouths and not having nostrils was fine. It was a comic, it was a cartoon, suspension of disbelief was easy. Sure, they had to breathe through their mouths like, well, I guess like teenage boys, but they looked cute and goofy and fitting for a cartoon. This new take on their appearance makes them strangely more relatable. They’re hideous mutants, more-so than before, but in a kind of cutesy, charming Quazimodo way. And I can kind of believe in them.

In the old movies, let’s be honest here, the Turtles just seemed like a really, really stupid idea and looked really, really dumb.

Now, if we want to talk about potential problems revealed in the trailer (which at first viewing looked surprisingly decent) I think we can find a few things.

  1. Megan Fox as April O’Neil. She appears to be doing an okay acting job this time out but you only actually see her in flashes. I’m not sure she even says more than one or two syllables in the whole trailer. The only “acting” we see is a horrible pantomime fainting spell. Besides the obvious question of SINCE WHEN DOES APRIL O’NEIL FAINT? this gives us an indication of the level of humour we can expect. Namely a low-level but pervasive misogyny (hahaha she fainted like a weak girl hahaha) and I suspect this will be a running gag. Undoubtedly, former role-model April will be little reduced to little more than a damsel to be placed in successively more distressing rescue situations until the bound-to-be explosive finale explodes in an orgy of fireballs, heat shimmers, flying debris and sub-sonic detonation bass-drops. I also expect fart jokes (that’s fine, if you’re into that) and some homophobic digs between Turtle-bros. I hope not, but this is where’d I’d place my bets if I were a betting man.
  2. The plot appears to just be Robocop but with mutant turtles instead of a cyborg. The city is basically RoCo’s New Detroit and the Turles, just like our buddy RoCo, have been created specifically to combat the waves of crime and terrorism which plague the city. It’s not the derivative nature of this scenario that bugs me (though it does seem lazy and boring) as much as that in the original Turtle mythos our boys originated from pets lost in the sewers that got into some toxic waste. There was a nice irony that our toxic follies are what will create our mutant saviors—sort of a reverse Godzilla-effect. Also, the Turtles took it upon themselves to become our heroes instead of it being something they’re being forced into—and will supposedly struggle with in various annoying and boring angsty ways.
  3. Perhaps the worst though is that sliding down the snowy mountainside scene. I can’t help but feel this points to what will prove to be a reliance on “theme park ride” action set-pieces which are, I think everyone except Hollywood has figured out by now, never as exciting as they promise to be. Yet action film plots these days continue to be little more than the glue which holds a half-dozen of these things together. On the plus side, there’ll lots of opportunities for bathroom breaks if you (unlike me) are planning to see this in the theatre.

So far the only thing I can see that looks legitimately good about this film is the kind of creepy Turtle redesign.

 


Episode 182: The Hobbit 2 – Electric Smaug-a-loo

January 3, 2014

Click to download Desolation of Smaug episode

 

This week, without a party of a dozen dwarves to lead the way, just the two of them, like Sam and Frodo, Jakob and Mandi enter the desolation. The Desolation of Smaug, specifically. Or Smahowg, as he’s known to his friends. Apparently.

 


Episode 179: Nerd Hurdles Catches Fire

November 27, 2013

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Kathie is back to discuss the latest Hunger Games movie, Catching Fire. Also, urine and minor spoilers if you know absolutely nothing about Hunger Games.

 


Episode 169: Star Trek Into Snarkness

May 23, 2013

Nerd Hurdles Snark Trek Into Darkness

This week the nerds hurdle into darkness (see what we did there?) and as a result Kathie snarks on Captain Kirk while Mandi has a Zack attack and Jakob is dumbfounded neither of them had seen Wrath of Khan before.

A few interesting Into Darkness reads and links regarding the more sexist aspects of the film:

FELICIA DAY, asks “Where are the women?  The strong women?  The women we’d like to see in 200 years?”

DAMON LINDELHOF says, Alice Eve underwear scene was ‘gratuitous’

SLASHFILM says, “The whole thing is over within a minute, and ends with Carol still in her bra and panties. Her lingerie isn’t even all that sexy. But — and memorize these next two words, because they’re basically my entire thesis statement — context matters.”

THE DAILY DOT says, “Are we expected to believe that a mysterious plague has wiped out 75% of the women in the galaxy?”

Also, Benedict Cumberbatch looks even more like an OTTER with water streaming down his face.


Episode 012: Trans-Snore-Mers (Special Edition)

April 7, 2009

Less than meets the eye. Jakob and Mandi both have never understood the appeal of these toys/cartoon heroes called Transformers. So, because they love you, they put themselves through the movie starring Even Stevens and some girl people seem to like. Along the road they roll over Gremlins, the A-Team, Garbage Pail Kids, Steven Speilberg, Mac and Me and the affliction known as nerdism.

A NOTE ON THE SPECIAL EDITIONS: Before we joined the Simply Syndicated network, the first 31 episodes of Nerd Hurdles were hosted on Podbean. Technically, they still are. But since letting our pro-account lapse there’s been a bandwidth problem were the files are only available for the first half of the month before they hit the Podbean ceiling. While SimSyn’s hosting was on Libsyn, we started releasing these episodes as “Special Editions” with newly recorded introductions. When SimSyn moved our hosting to Soundcloud, those files were again lost (and we’d only managed to upload the first 10 anyway). So, here they are once more; uploaded to a 3rd audio service and hopefully the last.


Episode 001: Twilight (Special Edition)

December 18, 2008

We took on a big hurdle for our inaugural episode, Twilight, and in the process set (seemingly in stone) two Nerd Hurdles motifs which we’d return to again and again for years.

1) Going to see a movie and recording about it directly afterwards before we’d had time to reflect on the film and develop balanced, thoughtful critiques or even real opinions. 

2) A bounty of derision and snark regarding the episode’s topic.

A NOTE ON THE SPECIAL EDITIONS: Before we joined the Simply Syndicated network, the first 31 episodes of Nerd Hurdles were hosted on Podbean. Technically, they still are. But since letting our pro-account lapse there’s been a bandwidth problem were the files are only available for the first half of the month before they hit the Podbean ceiling. While SimSyn’s hosting was on Libsyn, we started releasing these episodes as “Special Editions” with newly recorded introductions. When SimSyn moved our hosting to Soundcloud, those files were again lost (and we’d only managed to upload the first 10 anyway). So, here they are once more; uploaded to a 3rd audio service and hopefully the last.


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