Episode 46 – Internet Dating

January 2, 2010

The oft alluded to Kathie What Introduced Mandi to Fanfiction Apparently dropped by the Hurdle Hut to discuss the hurdles inherent in internet dating. Mandi and I had success (finding each other) on the Plenty of Fish website. Kathie, er, not so much.

There’s various hurdles associated with dating online. One is that it’s perceived to simply not work. And that’s often true smaller centers.

I tried it when I lived in Nanaimo (pop. approx. 72,000 at the time) and there was nobody online in my area I was interested in. At all. Remotely. And it wasn’t just physical type, age or having kids, it was social class, interests, attitudes, etc.

There were only about 60 people registered with the site I was using in my area, but was I being too picky? If there’s one thing you should be picky about, it’s a life partner. Being in a larger center allows you to be as picky as you want. Here in Toronto, pop. 2.5 million, there are plenty (of fish, so to speak).

For many people, the main hurdle surrounding online dating seems to be the implication they are desperate. Which is understandable since television leads us to believe we’re meant to meet our mates in the office or at the bar and to do so with relative ease. If these are the only places you’re looking for love, you’re bound to start feeling desperate at some point in your single life.

But people shouldn’t feel bad about being desperate. It’s the human condition. Really, we’re here on Earth to hook-up so it’s only natural to feel a sense of desperation if you’re not in a relationship. Some might argue there’s something wrong with you if you don’t. I wouldn’t argue that, but some might.

I have, however, always found it interesting people are so shy to express their desire for a mate. When it’s literally the most natural thing in the world.

Mandi says: “I think there are a lot of people who say that they want to be single, when really they’d rather be in a relationship.

There are also people who are embarassed that they’re not (or have never been) in a relationship and so they never bring it up or alternately talk about it all the time. I think some unhappy single people who have never been in a relationship often blame their singleness for their unhappiness. It’s often their unhappiness that causes their singleness. It’s a vicious, vicious circle.

I have certainly been in the position when I believed that if I were only to be in a relationship things would be better. It takes being in a bad relationship to realize that sometimes single is better.”

But there’s an actual nerd hurdle associated with the online dating world as well. I know people who actually view using a computer as being incredibly dorky. Anything other than barely knowing how to use email is, to them, high nerdery and therefore online dating is akin to picking someone up at a Star Trek convention.

These are, I should mention, people in their early forties at the youngest. I doubt many people younger than 35 would have a nerd hurdle regarding internet dating just from the online aspect. They’re also probably a bit more savvy and informed that you won’t “only meet perverts” on the internet.

Not that their aren’t perverts and players on internet dating sites. But bars, nightclubs and other traditional hunting grounds tend to be populated with the same percentage of emotionally broken sex addicts.

Ultimately Kathie’s lack of luck online was a boon for us as we got to spend New Years Eve with her. As shown in the above photo—three lame nerds getting drunk watching Dr. Horrible on a Mac.

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