2012 in review

January 2, 2013

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog. Here’s an excerpt:

4,329 films were submitted to the 2012 Cannes Film Festival. This blog had 24,000 views in 2012. If each view were a film, this blog would power 6 Film Festivals.

The busiest day of the year was February 10th with 139 views. The most popular post that day was Death Disco Star.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for robert duncan mcneill gayugly bettyunderworld asslindsey stirling butt, and nerd costume.

Click here to see the complete report.

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We Came To Terms

October 11, 2012

It’s been a wild ride, but I feel I’ve come to terms with Coming To Terms. Or if I haven’t exactly been able to reconcile that everyone on the internet is some kind of insane, perverted imbecile, then I’ve definitely become desensitized to it. Lately bizarre search strings have seemed a little too normal for comfort. It’s hard to come up with jokes when I see “handsome boy rape by tentacles” or “interesting skull related news” and only think, Huh, it’s just completely normal search terms this month. Nothing odd here.

Part of the problem is writing about weird search terms is it creates a vicious cycle of people arriving at our site via those same weird search terms. Thus  “robert duncan mcneill gay” earned itself another 62 hits over the last 30 days and the list is pretty much exclusively populated with variations on “very sexy rape” and “seven of nine camel toe” or references to assorted “real nerd vs. fake nerd” memes.

So here ends the Coming To Terms segment of our blog. But to commemorate the three years of madness, we’ve put together a compendium of the weirdest and wildest search strings. It’s going to make its physical debut in “classic black and white” at CANZINE 2012 on October 21st in Toronto or you can download a free, full-colour PDF of it HERE. But you should still come to Canzine and say hello.

And as not to leave you in the lurch, here’s the remaining few scraps from September and October…

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Butter Turd: 2011 Top Terms

January 3, 2012

2011. It’s over. But before I reveal what the top search terms of the year are—because you all give such a rat’s ass about that—let’s see what December had to offer

Chad Kroeger and Voldemort

Chad Kroeger and Voldemort

azkaban chad kroeger: At first I thought, this is silly. If being a douche-hole was a wizarding crime, then Azkaban would have been overfilled with Ravenclaws long ago. Stuck-up biotches. But then I realized that putting a Deatheater in a cell with Chad Kroeger is probably the only thing that would scare them enough to betray Voledemort. Well played, Aurors, well played.

butter turd: One of the things I find most fascinating about the human body is that even if you eat a diet consisting entirely of milk, you still can’t use your poo for butter.

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Nurdle My Nurds (January 2011)

February 2, 2011

The clock struck 2011 and the Internets turned crazy. People found this website in January by searching for the following…

i make you a offer you v=can not refuse: The mafia is modernizing and putting their threats into computer script. Z=can refuse.

dr crusher milk: Is the cure for space cancer? No, that’s foetal Cylon blood. Bev’s mammary secretions probably just makes really great lattes.

cooking with jesus: I bet Jesus’ secret ingredient is Dr. Crusher milk.

wesley crusher cock: Maybe that’s where the “milk” comes from.

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